Posted by: irishmama78 | December 12, 2014

Sorry been gone……

So update…..
I had my surgery on November 26th, surgery went perfect couldn’t have gone better and for that I am eternally grateful for all your prayers and love!! I am also grateful for my AMAZING surgeons, they are both some interesting guys, I can honestly say I love those 2 guys!!! I would refer them to anyone!!!!!! Dr. Neff has this sweet and kind personality with funny sarcastic remarks, Dr. Curtis well he is a riot, he reminds me of Jay so let’s just say he is a true class clown but takes his job VERY serious πŸ™‚ They have taken very good care of me!!!
I woke up from surgery perfectly, to be honest I don’t remember anything I was just told by my mom and Jay that I did great 😜
I honestly felt great and surgery…….obviously we all know that was the drugs talking πŸ˜‰ morphine is very good!!!!!
I had lots of sweet visitors, so thank you to all of you it meant the world to me and also to Joe and Jake for going up to the hospital to be with Jay and my mom, I love you both for that!!!!!
Special thank you to: my mom, my MIL Donna, My dad and stepmom Dawn, my FIL Jim for bringing my babies up to see me, Alicia, Kirby, Kelly, Jen, Katy, Joe, jake and heather, thank you all for taking time out of your thanksgiving to come see me 😘😘😘😘
Also I got to FaceTime with Jays family and my mom’s side of the family on thanksgiving that just made my day to see you all and get so much love!!!!
And also to my sweet guardian angel Grandma Lou……I felt you with me every step of the way!
Next post will be about my first week…….

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Posted by: irishmama78 | November 8, 2014

BETTER!!

Today is a BETTER day!! I found out they are moving my surgery date up, so it’s now November 26th, yes the day before thanksgiving but what better time to be thankful then to wake up Thursday morning cancer free!!! I am beyond blessed and emotionally drained to say the least.
We had some great friends of ours unbeknownst to us set up a donation account in my name, which really words can’t describe the answer to that prayer.
It’s not that JAY can’t work his but off and in a couple months have all that debt paid off but I need him right now, I need him by my side and I AM NOT SELFISH FOR THAT!!! He is so proud and so private this took SO MUCH for him to allow to happen….but in his words ……..who am I to deny these blessings……AMEN!
Life throws you curve balls that no one expects, but it’s how you react and accept those pitches that matter, I am eternally grateful to all those friends and family that have helped an any way and have shared the site…..I TRULY LOVE YOU ALL, thank you for making our lives just a bit less stressful!!!!
GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!!!

Posted by: irishmama78 | November 6, 2014

Elisha…..and the terrible, horrible very bad day :(

Well yesterday and today were not good….
1. I started my period so we as women know how hormonal we can be so this didn’t help!!
2. They said my surgery would be Dec 10th….WTF……I was told it would be a matter of weeks not a freaking month!!!!! I calmly asked the two schedulers to talk to the dr’s bc this wouldn’t work for me, I can but mentally I can’t wait 35 more days of this HELL!!! Constantly second guessing myself, even though I know I am making the best decision possible, imagining the pain, the fact I will be under for 5 hours, UGH it’s mentally unhealthy for me!!! I just want to get on with my life and be healthy and get this freaking crap out of me!!!!!!
On the selfish side of things Jay wanted to throw a big NYE party for me bc I wouldn’t be able to celebrate my birthday most likely bc of surgery. He wanted it be a new beginning into 2015……that’s not going to happen it will be to soon, I won’t be recovered yet. Now it’s to late to do anything for my birthday bc it’s just not enough time to plan……nor is the budget there…..this obamacare crap sucks for self employed people!! We had a HIGH deductible so our insurance would be somewhat affordable and when I say somewhat holy crap the premiums are out of this world!!! So now bc of not paying an arm and a leg before now we will pay for it……right when things are going right the devil jumps in to screw things up. I am definitely not a “poor me” person but CRAP can Jay and I catch a break!!! Every time things start going really well in our business or we have saved like crazy something like this happens……I am so sick of being beaten down!!
Sorry I rambled there……
3. Got the call today that my genetic test results are in, BUT oh yea there is a BUT, I can’t get the results over the phone like everyone else I know has, I have to wait for an appt, so I won’t find out until Monday…..AWESOME……MORE WAITING!!!!
I know I sound crabby, irritable and down right pissed…..and I am! I still feel so guilty for having any of these feelings…..I don’t have to have chemo, radiation, hormone drugs or worse die from this disease.
Life has hit Jay and I with a lot of REALLY HARD BLOWS but this one could be the worse, I AM JUST READY TO MOVE ON, I DONT WANT TO BE IN THIS PLACE ANYMORE, I WANT TO BE A SURVIVOR AND MOVE ON!!!!!

Posted by: irishmama78 | November 5, 2014

Benefit

I am thinking of putting together a benefit to help support families that can’t afford their medical bills and or that don’t have insurance!!
I don’t want to get political but bc of a recent Healthcare reform our deductible is SUPER high and I can’t imagine going through all this plus the stress of medical bills 😦
If any of you would like to be involved I would love to have some help and guidance!!!

Posted by: irishmama78 | November 3, 2014

Today was a good day

I have been interviewing Plastic surgeons, hoping and praying I find the right one!!!
The first one almost had me running screaming, he wanted to cut me straight across my breasts and take my nipples off…..MAJOR SCARING!!!
The next surgeon was so kind and said he would take good care of me! He made me feel better about the surgery, he wanted to do an incision under my left breast and the right use the scar from the lumpectomy. I felt good about him but the last doctor specialist in this type of surgery. So I wanted to see him first before I made my decision.
Boy am I glad I did. He was exactly what I needed, wanted and prayed for!!! He had a great heart, very kind and caring. He wants to do both incisions under each breast so no visible scaring and he said he would fix my lumpectomy scar so it’s smoother looking and best part I don’t have to have my nipples removed I keep mine!! So I will look the same maybe a little betterπŸ˜‰
Feeling very blessed, I know that sounds weird but I try and make the best out of bad situations. If I have to go through this surgery I am going to have the best damn doctors I can get and I finally found them all!!!
Should find out in the next couple days when the BIG DAY is!!! 😁😁😁

Posted by: irishmama78 | October 20, 2014

Bad day!!!

So today it REALLY hit me hard!!! Some days are more real than others and today is one of those REAL days!!!
It started off good, I went to Chase’s school to volunteer, which was fun bc I get to volunteer in his class πŸ™‚
So I get to hang out with my buddy, and all his friends!!
After that it all just hit me like a ton of bricks…..I have BREAST CANCER, I have to do a HUGE surgery, what if my breasts look terrible afterwards, it’s not a boob job people!! That’s the other thing everyone is like at least you get a boob job for free, well no I don’t!!!!! It’s not free I am taking valuable time away from my family, my kids, probably going to have to skip my birthday this year and thanksgiving and Christmas I was still be healing or out of it…….UGH!
I have been looking at surgeons…..some have great reviews but the pictures of the reconstruction (bc that’s what I am having not a BOOB JOB), are hideous, they look like Frankenstein boobs…… Oh it’s just all so sad!!!!
I actually like my breast they are perfect to me, which is why this is sooooooo hard, I feel like I am losing my feminity, I feel like I am making a mistake some days and other days I feel so confident and at peace…..
I pray and I do get peace, but it’s just all sooooo overwhelming, it’s the hardest thing I have EVER gone through!!!!
I know there are women that have it worse than I do but I AM NOT THEM!! This is my story, my body, my life……
It’s just so hard bc everyone keeps saying be positive and that everything will be ok, but it’s not ok!! I have cancer and I am losing my breasts, that’s a big freaking deal!!!
Sorry for the negative post today, my counselor said I should write to get my thoughts out but I am not sure this is what you all signed up for……
Thanks for reading and thanks for following my progress……..hopefully tomorrow is a better day ………

Posted by: irishmama78 | October 16, 2014

Surgeon Appoinment

Feeling a little better today, I met with the surgeon today so here is how I am feeling now…….. I am kinda leaning towards just getting a bilateral mastectomy, bc he said it could take 2-3 lumpectomy’s to get it all and I would still have to do radiation 6 weeks, 5 days a week…for 30 total πŸ˜’πŸ‘Ž
And a hormone drug that has horrible side effects for 5 YEARS!!!! 😳
And that still may not keep it away, and even though there isn’t anything in the left it doesn’t mean it won’t down the line.
Also if I only get the right done, why go through all that pain and surgery to get one done it just doesn’t seem to make sense….but it’s still all just a whirl wind of info.
Maybe after tomorrow with the oncologist I will finally get the peace I so need πŸ™πŸ™

Feeling overwhelmed but POSITIVE BC I know that one way or the other life is going to be ok and I am strong even though some days I don’t always feel that way!
It’s just a weird thing to think on September 4th I was walking into get my first mammogram ever and here I am 42 days later…..biopsy, lumpectomy, cancer diagnosis and considering a mastectomy…….wow a lot can change very quickly!

I know God has a plan for me, and I know I have asked many times what is my purpose in life, but truly even though this is scary as hell………I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT HE HAS IN STORE FOR ME!!! My Heavenly Father always has a plan, it’s just not always the plan we think it should be……

“Everything you are going through is preparing you for what you asked for”

To quote my dad who put it great regarding this quote:
“you are so right…….. I’m always wanting Him to guide me in that direction that “I’VE” predetermined…… His angles are so different, you rarely see it coming ……. it’s like He gets you going in the opposite direction and you think….. “What is He doing….. this isn’t the way”?? ….. I guess that’s what He meant by “Your ways are not my ways”……. “

Posted by: irishmama78 | October 16, 2014

Lumpectomy

So I went in for the lumpectomy last Monday October 6th, I was scared to death, never in my life have I had a surgery, and I wasn’t happy one bit about this one.

But my thoughts going in was this is it, we are done after this………IS WHAT I THOUGHT!!! The surgery went perfect I truly felt as I was wheeled back to the operating room, the hands of all the people praying for me it was a very peaceful feeling, I did great in the surgery or so I was told, and I woke from anesthesia very well I just kinda opened my eyes and knew where I was, which was one of my biggest fears!!!
Recovery was rough, but the pain meds helped and so did a cardinals win against the dodgers!! As the week went on I got better but the pain meds really started making me sick to the point of puking so that wasn’t fun 😦
Friday came and I got the call from Dr. Neff, he said that the breast tissue they took out around the precancerous cells had spread to the breast tissue, again not the news I wanted or expected!!! He said our next step was genetic testing for the cancer gene, REALLY ARE YOU KIDDING ME I MIGHT HAVE A CANCER GENE IN ME and if it came back negative, which is what we want another lumpectomy and possibly radiation. If it came back positive a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery!!! Not the best news to hear when you were thinking this was it!!!! I thought I was in the clear!!!!
More surgery are you kidding me……..FUCK!!!! Is all I could think of, bc it was the only word that expressed how I felt!!!! Again anger set in, I have to cancel being room mom in Chase’s kindergarten class which he and I were so excited about!! I had to cancel doing Chase and Bryce’s fall parties at school amoungst many other things. I am just PISSED that this crap is taking time away from my precious boys, I miss my cuddle, snuggle time bc they both can’t snuggle with me right now bc of my right side…..AGAIN taking away from my babies…..THIS FREAKING SUCKS!!!
I have had a whole new outlook on life since all this and it’s all about quality time, I don’t care about going out, material things or things that just plan don’t matter!!! It’s all about me getting healthy and moving forward!!
I WILL BEAT THIS AND IT WILL NOT GET ME DOWN!!!! There is a reason for this but I am patiently waiting for why??????

Posted by: irishmama78 | October 16, 2014

Confused

So I went to the oncologist yesterday and unbeknownst to me, I actually have breast cancer. It’s a very gray area bc the type of Cancer I have is DCIS, which is a stage 0, and is considered “pre-cancerous” but it’s still cancer 😦

it was a shock and a huge blow, I went in for genetic testing and came out with a cancer diagnosis 😦

Needless to say my first reaction was ANGER, why was I not told by my surgeon, why do I have to go through more surgery, and gosh darn it why is this happening!!!

I saw a post on Facebook yesterday that said “Everything you are going through is repairing you for what you ask for” WOW, DID I ASK FOR THIS???

I know God has a plan for me, I know my ways are not His, I need to give all my worries and fears to Him!! It’s just easier said then done sometimes!!

This cancer if completely treatable, but the road ahead is scary and frightening! I have an amazing support system……My husband is a GOD-Send, my mother is my rock, my father is my empathy and soul and my ANGEL women are my crutch to keep me standing. I am truly blessed without measure.

We are off to see the surgeon today about my lumpectomy surgery, and to bombard him with questions, tomorrow is the meeting with the oncologist to go thru her game plan, so I hope after the next few days I will have some sort of peace thru this all………GOD WILLING!

Posted by: irishmama78 | October 2, 2014

Survivor

I have talked to my surgeon and nurses and it has come to my knowledge that actually do have cancer, but please don’t think of this as bad, I am actually ok with this bc I know what to expect and it’s the best cancer to have if you have to have cancer.
Ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) (stage 0)is a non-invasive breast cancer. In DCIS, the abnormal cells are contained in the milk ducts. It is called β€œin situ” (which means “in place”) because the cells have not left the milk ducts to invade nearby breast tissue. DCIS is also called intraductal (within the milk ducts) carcinoma. You may also hear the terms β€œpre-invasive” or β€œpre-cancerous” to describe DCIS.

DCIS is non-invasive, but without treatment, the abnormal cells could turn into invasive cancer over time. Left untreated, about 20 to 30 percent of low grade DCIS will progress to invasive breast cancer

So I am changing my title to previvor to SURVIVOR!!

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