Posted by: irishmama78 | November 6, 2014

Elisha…..and the terrible, horrible very bad day :(

Well yesterday and today were not good….
1. I started my period so we as women know how hormonal we can be so this didn’t help!!
2. They said my surgery would be Dec 10th….WTF……I was told it would be a matter of weeks not a freaking month!!!!! I calmly asked the two schedulers to talk to the dr’s bc this wouldn’t work for me, I can but mentally I can’t wait 35 more days of this HELL!!! Constantly second guessing myself, even though I know I am making the best decision possible, imagining the pain, the fact I will be under for 5 hours, UGH it’s mentally unhealthy for me!!! I just want to get on with my life and be healthy and get this freaking crap out of me!!!!!!
On the selfish side of things Jay wanted to throw a big NYE party for me bc I wouldn’t be able to celebrate my birthday most likely bc of surgery. He wanted it be a new beginning into 2015……that’s not going to happen it will be to soon, I won’t be recovered yet. Now it’s to late to do anything for my birthday bc it’s just not enough time to plan……nor is the budget there…..this obamacare crap sucks for self employed people!! We had a HIGH deductible so our insurance would be somewhat affordable and when I say somewhat holy crap the premiums are out of this world!!! So now bc of not paying an arm and a leg before now we will pay for it……right when things are going right the devil jumps in to screw things up. I am definitely not a “poor me” person but CRAP can Jay and I catch a break!!! Every time things start going really well in our business or we have saved like crazy something like this happens……I am so sick of being beaten down!!
Sorry I rambled there……
3. Got the call today that my genetic test results are in, BUT oh yea there is a BUT, I can’t get the results over the phone like everyone else I know has, I have to wait for an appt, so I won’t find out until Monday…..AWESOME……MORE WAITING!!!!
I know I sound crabby, irritable and down right pissed…..and I am! I still feel so guilty for having any of these feelings…..I don’t have to have chemo, radiation, hormone drugs or worse die from this disease.
Life has hit Jay and I with a lot of REALLY HARD BLOWS but this one could be the worse, I AM JUST READY TO MOVE ON, I DONT WANT TO BE IN THIS PLACE ANYMORE, I WANT TO BE A SURVIVOR AND MOVE ON!!!!!

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Responses

  1. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  2. LOVE YOUR HONESTY GIRL! I think my reactions would be exactly the same..praying for you!


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