Posted by: irishmama78 | October 2, 2014

Previvor?!?!

You are 35, go in for your yearly female visit, doctor says I recommend women do their first mammogram at 35, so you need to go. So you set your appointment, you are nervous but confident, I mean you are only 35.
So you go to the mammogram place they smash your breasts in this weird machine……you leave and think whew glad that’s over….until next year!

Then the phone call from your doctor comes on a Sunday afternoon, you miss the call, but the message says to call him on Monday at the office……first thing that comes to mind is “why is my doctor calling me on a Sunday afternoon?? Not the best sign.

So I call but of course he is with patients, so I wait, call again this time I get him, he says “Elisha there were some calcification on the right breast that they want to check again, so another mammogram and possibly an ultrasound.” So I get off the phone and immediately start thinking the worst, but he sounded so confident so everything should be ok right?!?!?

So I go back in to smash the right breast again…. Wait …..the radiologists says he wants an ultrasound, so we do it….he still isn’t convinced…so he proceeds to say the words no one ever wants to hear “we need to do a biopsy”, as silly as this sounded my whole world felt like it was crumbling down around me at this moment….I am usually a VERY positive person and I was positive through this whole process but every time I went in it was more bad news.

So we scheduled the biopsy, I did know what to expect bc they gave me information on the surgery. But it’s never what you expected. It was a table you lay on your stomach and literally you stick your breast through a hole in the table they raise the table up about 5 feet and work from below. They lidocaine the area and insert this probe thing that collects samples from the area they are concerned about. Needless to say it was a VERY uncomfortable procedure!!!! They actually had to do it twice bc they didn’t get good samples and the drug they used to clot your blood made me nausea and I almost threw up on the doctors head, I am sure she would have appreciated that!!

So I am supposed to find something out either Thursday or Friday, so Thursday comes and goes, Jay and I have an argument bc he felt like airing all this on Facebook was not a good plan and I vehemently disagreed……in situations like this we are so incredibly different but yet so alike….you will see why later.
So Friday morning is grandparents day at Chase’s school so my mom was here and the phone call came….my doctor he says so the cells are not cancerous BUT, there it was again that damn BUT, the cells are pre-cancerous and they could cause cancer, have you ever received news that was so good and then so bad?!?!
He said the next step is surgery so we can get the cells removed and out of your body, so they don’t cause you any harm later.
So at this moment I am feeling weirdly enough blessed, sacred and angry! My mom hugs me and tells me everything is going to be alright, but crap that’s all anybody has been telling me and it’s NOT OK!!! That was the anger part! The scared part was a given who wants to have surgery especially me considering I never have had a surgery and I have never been sedated. The blessed part was I don’t have cancer I am just pre-cancerous…..mixed feelings on that one!

At this point I call Jay he says I will cancel my day and let’s go do something as a family. Sounds perfect to me! I also begin texting friends for support I feel and get a lot of support from my fellow female friends. Which is exactly what I got lots of shocked texts and phone calls but all my friends were so positive and reassuring.
So we took Chase out of school went to lunch, went to the zoo, went to the boathouse for dinner and then went to the balloon glow, it was a magical day with my family…..just what I needed! So on a side note here I am so confused what I should be feeling, should I be feeling blessed, angry or just plain confusion, bc I am just CONFUSED. I FEEL GUILTY FOR BEING ANGRY, bc I think why me, and then I think why am I feeling like this there are women dying of this disease and I get to have it removed and hopefully live a long healthy life. But I am ANGRY I am!! Why me!!!! Why do I have to have a stupid surgery to remove this gross thing inside me that takes away from my kids, I am missing a special day at Chase’s school bc of the surgery I will be limited to hugs with my kids which I cherish more than ever!! But at the same time that guilt creeps in and I feel horrible for having all these feelings. I am a strong woman I know that but sometimes in life you get thrown a curve ball and you don’t know whether to let it pass or smack the shit out of that ball.
The next day Saturday I was coaching Chase’s team it was a hot day and I found myself inspiring those kids to run and push harder than they ever had, we only had 2 subs and as anyone who has played soccer that’s not a lot, so they were tired, worn down and beat up, I felt like it was a metaphor for how I felt and here I was telling these kids to push hard and lay everything they had on that field and they did, they lost the game but those kids left everything they had on that field I could not of been more proud!!
It’s funny in life how scenarios happen to show you how you should be acting!
The rest of the weekend was a nice weekend with friends and family.
My anxiety was really setting in though, I had acquired IBS and it was awful! It’s amazing what stress can do to your body!!!
So Tuesday was finally here we go and meet with the surgeon I was so nervous I almost threw up in the exam room, he was such a compassionate loving doctor, he had wonderful bedside manner, which eased my anxiety. But then he said something I wasn’t expecting, he said after the surgery they will run tests and exam the tissue removed for CANCER, WHAT?!?!? I was so confused I though I was already out of the woods for the dreaded “C Word”, all I could think was another blow…..how many is that now 5 curve balls? I burst into tears I was spent, overwhelmed and down right exhausted! Again I felt guilty for all these feeling but this time I didn’t care, this is happening to me not anyone else, this is my body that this whole process is happening too, I have the right to feel anyway I want to and if I want to be ANGRY damn it I will be ANGRY!
I feel so bad for Jay bc he has so much on his plate and now he has to worry about me and my health and my mental health. He never knows what to say which only makes me feel like he doesn’t care which we all know is crap!! That man loves me more than anything in this world and I know he is in as much pain if not more some days than I am! He is a fixer and he can not fix this and I know it’s killing him inside!!
I haven’t known what to feel am I a survivor, a noneor or am I a presurvivor? A friend who has gone through similar things but much more in-depth had a word she posted yesterday PREVIVOR, meaning was a survivor of a predisposition (or increased risk) for a disease such as Cancer.
It was perfect!!! It was ME, I FELT VINDICATED BC I HAD A TITLE. I felt like I was going to be shunned from the breast cancer survivors(which I know wouldn’t happen) bc I didn’t have full-blown cancer, they caught mine. But I knew I wasn’t just any normal person anymore there was a change, I was different!

Surgery is scheduled for Monday October 6th, 2014 at 12:45 pm, it will be a day that changes me, I will become a PREVIVOR!!!

Posted by: irishmama78 | January 23, 2014

Life……

I have had many times of thinking of writing something on here….But I think I am finally ready!
I have had so many amazing people in my life, the poem about people being in your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime, is so true.
This past year I lost 2 friends that I thought were very dear to me, but looking back I have come to realize that they were just here for a season of life. Sometimes we have to learn that we change and so do others.
I made a decision to get rid of drama and anything negative in my life and so I did! I am happier and better for it. Does it bother me to not be friends with these two women, honestly yes sometimes I miss them, but knowing I am a better friend, wife, mother and woman bc they aren’t in my life!
I have been blessed with so many new friends in my life lately and I ONLY care to have a relationship with people that treat me the way I treat them, having a solid friendship is when 2 individuals put forth effort in the friendship not just one.
I have been bettering myself by reading, eating healthier and exercising, you can’t love others if you don’t love on yourself first.
Thanks for listening……..

Posted by: irishmama78 | April 23, 2012

Inspired……….

I had a friend today comment on my FB status this is what I posted and below is her comment…..
β€œSome people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.”

Friend: You need a fb page entitled “deep and inspirational thoughts from the goddess”!! I would totally “like” it:)

First off how sweet is she and second it got me thinking, if I effect just one person its worth it! So it inspired me to start doing a weekly blog about inspiring others…and inturn it will inspire me as well πŸ™‚ So a bonus for sure!

So here it goes: I feel like so many people struggle with Self-Confidence and this is something we all could work on so here’s my thoughts for today…..
6 Ways to boost your Self Confidence
1. Take Action. Get it Done.
-Be Present. get in the moment instead of dwelling on the outcome
-Lighten up
-Really, Really Want it!!!
2. Face your Fear!
-Be Curious!
-Realize fear is often based on unhelpful interpretation
3. Understand in which order things happen
4. Prepare
5. Realize failure or being wrong will NOT kill you! (I struggle with this A LOT!)
These are ways failure helps:
-You Learn
-You gain experiences you could not get any other way
-You become stronger
-Your chances of succeeding increase
6. Get to know who you are and what you want out if life

Posted by: irishmama78 | April 10, 2012

I fully intended on this being fun!

I fully intended on this blog to be fun and keep up with our crazy lives, but our CRAZY lives have taken over…..ha ha! Anyway I am making a commitment to myself to at least write something once a week to keep you all updated I can’t go back and update you on all the new things but I can go from this point and start today….One thing I definitely need to do is take more pictures cellphones are great but it causes me not to take pictures as much when I have my phone….which reminds me I need to get my little camera fixed! Anyway lost my train of thought…LOL
I will be updating on our family, fun things we do and I am also going to start a book report for whatever books I have recently read, which I think will be fun! So stay tuned to our Crazy world as we Chase Life πŸ™‚

Posted by: irishmama78 | September 23, 2010

Big Weekend

So this weekend is our Big Event Team No Limit is putting on their first BIG event!!!! We are so excited & cant wait, we have put so much thought & effort into all the planning, recognition, speakers & effects, it is going to be such a fun event I CAN’T WAIT! For those of you coming you wont be disappointed it is going to be an event to remember! We have Willie Norman from KC coming in to speak, who is amazing if you have never heard him speak get ready because he is a very passionate speaker, & we have Brian Mehmen one of the companies 1+ million earners, he is an animal, & ALWAYS fires everyone up. We also have a few surprises, it is going to be an awesome event, so if you want to come & need a ticket just get a hold of Jay or I and we will get you one πŸ™‚

I’ll blog after the event with everything & pictures πŸ™‚

Posted by: irishmama78 | September 21, 2010

Another Blessed Day!

Chase slept through the night perfectly! I of course went in to check on him every timeΒ I had to pee, but I couldn’t help it after the week we have had I just wanted to make sure he was ok πŸ™‚ ALL moms understand that!

He was kinda lethargic this morning but we feed him breakfast & lots of fluids & by 10:00 he was bouncing around like his normal self πŸ™‚ He is on his way back to a happy healthy little boy!

It’s amazing howΒ you can take health for granted! I have a huge heart for those families that have to deal with sickness everyday. I am going to look into doing something charity wise to help families, this has become a huge experience for me & I want to help those that have to experience it everyday. Ideas are welcome! Maybe volunteer at Children’s or help run a charity event for families in need I just know this was something that happened for a reason & I need to be involved with something to help, I can’t imagine living my life EVERY single day like this & not knowing if your child was going to be ok. WHEW….it has definitely made me a strong woman & MOM!

Posted by: irishmama78 | September 20, 2010

SO THANKFUL

Well I havent written in so long! But after the week I just had I need to vent a bit! It all started Last wednesday night at 6:00, Chase had a 101 fever, thus began my 5 days of torturing helplessness! His fevers were so aggressive they would spike to 103 & 104 every night & somtimes during the day. So on Friday he seemed better I even took him to school & they said he did good…didnt eat very much but his spirits were good. Then that evening I went to dinner with my girlfriend, Chase was doing ok when I left but about 7:30 I got a phone call from the sitter that said he had thrown up & his fever was 102.5, so I came home took care of him & at about 9:15 that night his fever spiked to 104.7 & my sweet little baby had a seizure, I thought I was gonna literally lose my mind for those 20 seconds which felt like 5 hours! The ambulance came we went to the hospital and they ran test after test, he had to have an IV which was not fun! They had to take x-rays & I had to leave the room, thank GOD my mom was there! He just kept screaming for me, it was awful. And to make matters worse poor Jay was in Witchita KS at a speaking engagement. Poor guy was out of his mind worried & 7 hours away! So they finally got everything done that they needed & they loaded him up with motrin & gave him fluids & told me its just a viral infection & it has to work its course. All I could think of was thats it, thats all I get, give him fluids & keep an eye on him???? So we go home at about 2 am that evening, needless to say I didnt sleep at all I just watched him sleep & took his temp every hour. The next morning i knew he must of been feeling better bc he sat up & said ELMO, I knew he was fine from the seizure πŸ™‚ They say these seizures are very common & they happen sometimes when a child’s fever spikes rapidly in a short amount of time, like a circuit breaker kicking off. I dont care what it is it’s SCARY ASS SHIT!!!

So the fever continued the rest of the weekend, all i could do was keep him hydrated & check for a fever every 3 hours, it was painful & I felt COMPLETELY HELPLESS! I cried about a million times because all I wanted to do for my sweet baby boy was make this pain go away! So Monday comes & we go see the pediatrician, both Jay & I hoping & praying for answers something anything! We are literally in the waiting room getting ready to go in to see the dr. and Chase breaks out in a rash…my first reaction oh good another symptom, but much to my knowledge that is the best thing that could have ever happened, because the dr. said she knew what it was bc of the rash. He had roseola a common child virus that causes fevers for 3-5 days & then ends with a rash all over your body. So the Dr. proceeds to tell us its over he is out of the woods he shouldnt get anymore fevers & the rash isnt itchy or irratating it is just there & that in a few days he will be totally back to normal, I of course burst into tears because I felt like my prayers had finally been answered & my baby was going to be ok! This was an awful 5 days but knowing that Chase will be ok & be better was worth everything I had to feel. He is doing better today still no fever…THANK GOD! Lots of bathroom trips but I would much rather clean up that then have a child with a high fever!!! And that is only another sign that his little body is getting rid of the virus!

So there it is the worst 5 days of my life so far! I know being a parent was gonna be hard but damn no one tells us about that kinda stuff, it just rips your heart out & tears it in half….whew. I wish I could have a stiff drink πŸ™‚ Being 9 months pregnant didnt help with the emotions I am sure, but baby Bryce stayed in there even under the stress, so by the time Chase is back to his 2 year old ways I’ll be ready for this little man to enter my world & change my heart once again! I love being a parent more than anything in this world but man its tough sometimes, but I wouldnt change a thing for it!

Posted by: irishmama78 | May 20, 2010

Bryce’s Room

So instead of finding bedding and planning the room around that I took a different approach, because there is really not that many cute baby boy rooms out there! So I found this room online and fell in love, everything as far as bedding is still in the works just trying to decide what i want to do but I have some ideas πŸ™‚ But here is the room (the room actually is set up just like ours too)

So i am thinking of this bedding but only the crib bumper and skirt.

Β Iknow they are small they wouldnt transfer right large?? Oh well you get the idea and I think I am going to make sheets & changing pad cover out of this material…

So things are starting to come together πŸ™‚ The drapes I am doing exactly what they did, getting white & having Bryce’s initials monogramed. And I may make this cool mobile I found online, but with turquoise instead of yellow and argyle black & white design πŸ™‚

Posted by: irishmama78 | May 11, 2010

Awesome Weekend :)

It all started Thursday, which was our 4 year anniversary πŸ™‚ We went to the doctor that morning to find out that we are having another little boy….how exciting! We are thinking we like the name Bryce Patrick, still deciding but we like it a lot!!! Then we went to breakfast as a family and Jay went off to the office. Friday we had family day we went to Grant’s Farm, I had forgotten how fun it was. We will defintely be back again this summer! Here are a few pics from friday:

Then Friday evening Jay & I went out to dinner for our anniversary it was a very nice evening! We ate at Villa Farrotto, yes I know we are creatures of haabit but we love it! We each had a wonderful steak and listened & danced to music πŸ™‚

Then on Saturday we had a big event at Geoff’s office, which was awesome!Β Jay and I went to lunch together,I got a lot of quality time withΒ him this weekend πŸ™‚ Later that evening we went toNick & Amy Tallo’s for a BBQ, which was a blast, we got to see their new house and enjoy great company πŸ™‚

Mother’s day was awesome Jay got me flowers ffrom “Chase” and a card from Chase also, he even made the signature all scribbly it was really cute & sweet of him. Jay also got me a pearl & diamond ring, which is exactly what i wanted πŸ™‚ It is Chase’s birth stone! Then we went to brunch with our moms & grandma’s, at Table 3 it was wonderful we got our own private room and the brunch was to die for!!! Then Jay’s dad came and picked up Chase from the restrauant and Jay & I went and played 9 holes at Pevely Farms, it was a great time together and it was beautiful out, we ended the day as a family together having dinner out and then we all went home and passed out we where pooped out!

But I had a great Family weekend, I think I thanked Jay like a million times because we dont get to see him as much as we would like because he works so hard, but it is weekends like this that I have to look forward too πŸ™‚ Thanks again Babe!

Posted by: irishmama78 | May 4, 2010

So I have a question????

We have decided to throw a Cardinals Baseball themed birthday party for Chase, man this kid loves baseball! So here is my question….Does anyone have any good creative ideas? If you know me I love Love throwing parites especially for my little man. Hence last years Dr. Suess party πŸ™‚https://irishmama78.wordpress.com/2009/06/22/dr-seuss-took-over-my-house/

So any ideas would be helpful, i got some cute ideas for invitations, those are in the works! Just looking for some creative different ideas. Like for food we will do hot dogs, craker jacks, corn dogs, popcorn & root beer. All the guests would wear their favorite baseball team attire, which of course everyone better wear cardinals πŸ™‚

So things along that idea! Thanks ahead of time!

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